The Personal Statement

I have been editing personal statements for over thirty years. I was previously the Director of a small, college-preparatory high school for which I personally did all the college counseling, including application preparation and essay review, to assure the success of the school and to provide the highest level of personal attention and administrative response. During those years, the school amassed an extraordinary record of college and university acceptances and merit scholarships when, as a small, independent, solely tuition-supported, no-nonsense high school, with over 35% of the student body on school-funded scholarships and no sports program of its own, in the uber-competitive, social-climbing environment of the Westside of Los Angeles, subjected to several crises not of its own making, it should have died more than once. Apart from the university-like atmosphere of the school that encouraged independent and critical thought, the accelerated and rigorous curriculum that was clearly visible on the school’s transcripts, the highly-educated and well-trained instructors, the bright, eager and accomplished students who were deeply and creatively involved in their communities and the unique, heartfelt letters of recommendation I wrote as part of the School Report for the Common Application, what was it that “sealed the deal” for the myriad of acceptances by the most prestigious colleges and universities in the country? I believe it might have been the students’ essays, the ones that they, and I, labored over, for hours and hours, days and days, until I was sure they were perfect. The college essay has become, in the modern world of college admissions, of paramount importance.

I would never write for a student; the essay had to be theirs, not mine. My role was to help a student clarify and amplify their own voice, by helping in the choice of a subject, “cleaning up” grammar, making sure there were clear transitions between paragraphs and suggesting words or phrases that would turn a “nice” essay into a powerful, compelling one. In all that time, I can recall only one essay that needed no editing whatsoever, but that student was already an extraordinary and polished writer who had every intention of pursuing that craft in college and as an adult, which, by the way, he did.

The “idea” of the essay must come first. The subject of the essay need not have “national” importance, as long as it has significance for the student. It could be a “small” story, as long as it is “large” for the student. A student should write about whatever has affected them in a profound way, even if the event might appear insignificant on the surface. The essay is, after all, a somewhat brief look into the internal world of the student, not a scholarly treatise. After years of being instructed not to use the pronoun “I” in essays written in school, it is sometimes hard for students to write about themselves in a very personal way, but with the proper encouragement and guidance, they learn how to do it effectively. A great deal of self-reflection is involved in the process, and for a young person on their way to the university and into the world at large, perhaps the most dramatic transition that exists in our society, that is a very good thing.

For the personal statement, students should write about themselves in a genuine manner, without attempting to sound “lofty” in order to impress. It is the student’s actual story or a personally meaningful event, told in an artful but real way, that will garner attention, not someone else’s language or quotations. I remember reading a young woman’s essay about her close friend’s run-in with a dolphin, while he was surfing, that resulted in his paralysis. It was a beautifully written story of her role in his struggle to continue life in a wheelchair, but it ended with a quote from Rudyard Kipling that was out-of-place and inappropriate. When I asked her why she included the quote, she told me that a law student friend-of-the- family had told her it would be a good idea. The young woman in question admitted to me that she had never even read Rudyard Kipling, and, further, did not really understand the meaning of the quote. I told her to take it out, and instead write her own conclusion. She was later admitted to UCLA.

Helping students determine what to write about, and then assisting them in making that essay eminently readable and “attention-grabbing,” was for all those years, and is now, my job, one which I thoroughly enjoy. Having received the title of “Grammar Queen” from my both my students and my own children, it is obvious that I relish correcting essays for errant punctuation and style, but I also take great pleasure in figuring out what topic will be both meaningful to the student and likely to make an admissions officer sit up and take notice (after reading essay after essay after essay). The personal statement is an opportunity for students to make themselves come alive and jump off the paper, or off the screen, on which the essay is written. To that end, not just the topic must be worth writing and then reading about; the introduction to the essay, too, must be strong and pack a punch. The introduction is perhaps the most important section of the personal statement. If the opening paragraph is weak, the reader wants to go no further; if it is forceful, the reader wants to go on, and read some more.

A student should not attempt to write their personal statement too early in their high school career, nor should they try to write it too early in the year preceding the submission of college applications. Students change and evolve dramatically during their high school years, and the experience that a student should write about may not even happen until the summer prior to twelfth grade, when life-changing events often occur. Sometimes, too, students write best when there is a deadline looming, not an immediate one, of course, but one that is a month or two away. Writing a little bit “under the gun” helps a student to focus, I have found, with respect to deciding on the subject of the essay and the actual writing of it.

Finally, students should be honest in their college essays, but not too vulnerable. A student can describe a very personal experience or revelation without baring every aspect of their life, or soul. It is good to be mindful of who might be reading the student’s essay, both as part of the college application process, and later, should the student ever choose to run for office or otherwise become a public figure. In the college essay, a student should reveal enough about their internal life to let the reader know who they really are, without feeling too exposed, in a well-articulated and hopefully fascinating manner, so that they are seen as a thoughtful and serious candidate with something important to contribute, one who the reader is absolutely certain they want to have on that college campus.